It's one of those things......I guess you just don't get over or really comprehend........why??? Who Knows!!! But all I know is, it was a very......VERY.......sad day for all.
I just thought we needed a reminder......it's kind of like 9-11.......but this happend way before that and I never knew really how much of an impact it would always have on a lil' ol' EX-cougar........He was such a sweet boy.......
But.....life goes on......or so it seems........we kinda get lost in it ourselves. Goin' through the motions of the daily grind and tryin' to find the purpose in it all......oh-don't get me wrong! The purpose is there.....and at the end of the day we all lay our heads down thinking "Damn! I made it ONE MORE DAY!" and then there's sum that just say a little prayer and thank that "Higher Being" that they somehow......still have the hope that one day.....just one day.......all will be right in the world and mostly......in their hearts.
"We all have a song that some how stamped our lives........Takes us to another place and time. So I go back to a pew, preacher, and a choir.....Singin' about god, brimstone and fire. And the smell of Sunday chicken after church....And I go back to the loss of a real good friend.....And the sixteen summers I shared with him......Now "Only The Good Die Young" stops me in my tracks. And everytime I hear that songI go back, I go back"..............But then......."There goes my life......"
Someone that I cherished very much in my life died suddenly........he was just a man...a healer of the body; some people loved him....some didn't......but i loved him; not because he saved my life or delivered a couple of my children....but, because he was just a man.....wanting to help people and just wanting to be liked...he was just like us trying to get through this crazy life--he was on his game at times; had the world by the tail.....and then, such as life, he slipped; as we all do somtimes...I slipped and called him 'daddy' a time or two, that's for sure.........we sat and talked for hours at times.... trying to figure out this life.......he was just a man.....he loved his children dearly! I loved him dearly........seems like he was always there when i needed an ear...... I'll miss him.....but I Thank Him......He was there when I didn't even know I needed him.......and he was there...... Thank you for life....... Thank you for adding to my life....... Thank you for giving my children life........ I'll keep you alive in my heart and my life.........
I've been consumed by wanting to know who and what I may have been successful in my life for.......yet, I've been searching in the wrong places; trying to succeed in the wrong sects: trying to impress the wrong people.......when it was all right in front of me.........the whole time.
A journey is needed in life if you've never had one.....a Journey To "Who the True You" is. Sounds hokey....sounds cliche.......but, in all actuality, it' s true. (And if anyone hasn't ever done it or experienced it, or even tried it for that matter, they are either waller'n in their own bitterness, or they are making life for everyone around them a LIVING HELL!!! Ask my former constituents!!!!)
The journey is long.....it takes months; years....may even take a decade. Patience is needed by others around if this is going to work for you or THEM. The truth is; the journey will be worth it for all involved if it is truly meant to be life changer........a game changer.........
Finding out if you are worth the life that has been given you on this Earth is something that only the person inside can find and discover the true answer. Yet; we question........we analyze.........we accuse..........we blame..........we deny....we deny even ourselves of some of life pleasures to just make it ALL LOOK GOOD for the outside to see......but where is the worth?
Am I worthy? Hell, yes! I'm worthy......took me awhile......but I know I am......but I am worthy for the one thing most important.........and that is my true, inner happiness in my heart. I know my children give me that, for sure. Unconditional. Without a question..........
I also know that when the passion is there in a relationship it is worthy.......worthy of the effort....the effort to make the move to just give truth and honesty to the other........worth IS WORTH something isn't it? (Don't make me question this because my journey has been long and strenousous.......hard.......humiliating........humbling..........yet euphoric........)
So yes.....I'm Worthy.........Give me some time......I'll give you time.........it's worth it........we are worthy. Peace Out....Luv! (A little Doobie Brothers for everyone.....South City midnight lady I'm much obliged indeed You sure have saved this man whose soul was in need I thought there was no reason for all these things I do But the smile that I sent out returned with you)
(If you are reading this post, and you haven't read my blog in awhile....you might want to read the post prior to this one to get this sick and demented story......if you don't.......well.......nevermind!) Long story short...........the jerks make assholes of themselves in the "Big Boy"....... in front of the major and all time cool people that I was over in a corner pervin from afar from.....yes! It was Molly Hatchet in person AT THE BIG BOY!!!!!! They walk in to get them sum good munchies and i'm like.....freakin.....die'n......it was my first 'groupie moment' EVER!!!!!! (I was a virgin.....just so we are clear!!) I was beside myself......but remember....a little paranoid......poepoe walks in.........the 3 puberty stricken jerks are in full swing by this time......they can't hang with us mature and more "cool and suave, sweet females"........me, being the young and up and coming Bitch that I was grooming myself to be had had "ENUF!!!!" Drama eluded the whole resteraunt.....or drive in.......or whatever the hell it was.......(I know there were booths!) WE WERE HEAD TURNERS!!!!!!! I told the girls......"this train was a leavin and the assholes could walk or ride!"
BREAK>>>>>remember.....I was just 17........ OH heck......Let's go Back!!!!
I know......you're think'n......."She Was Just 17".Beatles.....WELL,.......I TOLD YOU I'M NOT THE NORM.....Eric Clapton and his "slow hand" ...I ALWAYS LIKED THIS SONG BETTER........I'M COMPLEX!!!!!!
Long story short.......girls get in car......boys get in car......we stop at Mayflower and let my ex-to be that was with the newly turned 16 year old at the time (first love)......no really......I am and always be honored to be a part of that little history......i OWN IT! i LOVE IT.... 2 special people......he was a boy though and boys turn into jerk men at times but then they grow up eventually........anyway, we stop at Mayflower and let the one boy call his Auntie to tell her "plans have changed and it's o.k.; (he had no choice; I loved it!!!!! I was in control at that time!!!!!! heeeeheee) And Auntie...."WE WILL BE SAFE AND GET HOME O.K.!!!!!!
And, of course, we did..........
I dropped them off at the newly 16 year olds house........everyone piled up on the couch.......except me............
And I......being the 17....almost 18 year independent woman that I was........drove off in my 1978-Camero with '79 stripes ....little bondo........hey! It blew a lil oil but by golly it got me to places you can only dream about!!!!! (and yeah.....it was a half-breed......not that there is anything wrong with that! MEMBER; I am a trend setter! I just didn't know it!!!!)
And with that.....I went and found my bad boy.............and lost my virginity that night........ Damn..........(and it wasn't even all what it was cracked up to be............as usual........) I'm gonna smoke now.........
On a lighter note: WATCH THIS! PEACE OUT AND LUV TO ALL THAT CAN STILL FEEL IT.......... (This is for you Virg....SPECIALLY THE SPANK'N, PERVERTED KITTY!)
Sally.....myself.......has been on somewhat of a little hiatus for a few months now and I KNOW THAT YOU ALL HAVE MOURNED HER ABSENCE! However.......it's over, people! SHE BACK!!!!! SHE BITCHY!!!!! SHE MEAN!!!!!!! SHE SCUTTLE!!!!! AND MOSTLY, she just her ever, love'n, good hearted old self.......(that's need'n a friend, or two, or three.....)
Now.....If you look'n at me funny as to why the mere small tykes in the video singing one of the classic songs OF ALL TIME.....(well....maybe not of all time; but when I was 17.....they were the hair band of the freaking haze comin' off mine and ever one of my cronies dashboard).......Oh....and a freak'n DASHBOARD was something you used for the "DASH BOARD LIGHT!!!!!" (I hate explainin' myself! i.e. 'words of the iconic "MeatLoaf")........
Anyway........I'll never forget....Like yesterday.........It was spring......early summer, probably....1979! Me and my good friend were Juniors in High School and third friend.....she was a sophomore......She was beautiful....blond.....only child........just got a brand new Powder Puff Blue Cutlass Supreme for her 16th!!! We wazSTYLIN!!! Donna Summer's "Want to Love You Baby" waz our anthem.......guys thought we were freak'n crazy blare'n down the main drag moanin' and carrying on like were these sensual, sexual, revolutionary babes......(those boyz were just scared.......wish they had had something to be scared of in me........) ANYWAY!!......
we waz........
Sorry>>>>>>BREAK~~~ True Blood Moment!!!!!! (sorry, I'm a multi-tasker.........*
REOSPEEDWAGON, MOLLY HATCHETT....AND I SWEAR 38 SPECIAL!!!! COULD'A BEEN SOMETHIN I ATE!!!! HEEEHEEE..... (You know you told yo momma that B.S. and she believed that crap!!)
We had a blast on the way to Little Rock......120 miles......the newly 16 year old's momma only authorized ME as designated driver........I know what ya'llthink'n!!!! She waz CRAZY!!!! Nope!! Smartest woman on the planet........she knew I'd keep everyone's crap in line........I waz always watchin what everyone else wazdoin; little did I know, her momma waz always watch'n me.....I waz just like her....i wazthink'n and take'n notes!.......not in to the boy thing that much.....and if i WAZ........Your SURE DIDN't Know About it!!!! Kind of a study to me...........Doin' research...if you will :)
Again...back to the excursion........we were driven down I-40......guys in back......3 jerks.....little did I know that one would eventually be ONE of my ex-husbands (whose count'n)......Couldn't stand none of the jerks.......freaks......nerdy assholes......I WAZ IN TO THE BADDDDBOYZ! or so, I thought.........They doin stupid shit in the back seat....Us three girls in the front........I think we mooned a few truck drivers(or they did; remember.....I was driven!!!!!!!), drinkin "Malt Duck"....remember the 8 pack??? POINIES!!!!!!!!! Boyz had their Miller Lite....SOOOO COOL!!! Hell....I had my damn weed.....and of course, It WAZ FOR MEDICI MAL PURPOSES!!!!! Little did i know I actually invented that word and should have patented the damn 'term'! After all.....I'd been sick.....complications turned my liver to mush.....I waz a smart girl.......momma said no alcohol!!! Why not an HERB?????
My Nana always said I was a very intuitive child.....a loner.......always dreamin'......
O.k. You got the mood and the setting.....even the dumb jerks in the back seat had the guts to BOGART my STOGIE......member; that when you could roll that skunk stuff......really didn't do nothin for long periods......but we thot it was some GOOD SHIT!!!! We get to the concert finally....thot i was going to slit my wrists......I wazall readyscream'n at these clowns in the back cuz they were SOOOOOO obnoxious!!!
BREAK!!!!!!!
How many of you guys were that way back then???? 1978.....1979.....1980......hell some could have been long term clowns and lasted way up into the late 80's......(not that there is anything wrong with that).......::::Personal thought:::::WISH I WOULD HAVE...........might have been a little better for life and not played house so quick and tried to act like an adult and raised kids in the mix.........Some how, though....me and my first husband were blessed with 2 devoted boys..........with a little help from my second hubby, i might add......
but somewhere, after the show......things......basically.......uhhhhh.....to put it bluntly......went to shit! My buzz was WAYYYYYYY over........bitch had reset......3 jerks WERE drunk! And as dumb asses....we decide to feed the "Machines"......(if you had weighed all 3 soakin weight you mite have gotten 200lb; nO HORMONES IN CHICKEN, ROIDS, or CRETIN back then!!)
First Mistake.....
Stopped at Shoney's .....Back then......"BIG BOY"........
BREAK:::::::
You know what.......I'm think'n I'm going to make this ONE OF THOSE-ON GOING BLOGS-YOU KNOW......KIND of like a soap opera!!!!.........yEAH.........CUZ i'm tired.......gotta go to bed........gotta have my java in the morn'n with my baylies!!!!
Surely ya'll haven't forgotten my routine............I'm tryin' to get my groove back........Tryin' to learn to fly.....again.........I'm think'n........it's finally time I can..........and still feel for those that helped me fly.........
You never know what you just might fall in 'Love With'.....You never know what might inspire you to live.....you may not know what might just make your little heart go "pitter/patter"! But Dog, Gone It!!!!! Let's get real, here...you can always depend on a best friend of the friend of the friend.......the loyal mutt!
He or SHE may be a mutt....but they will be loyal......steady......devoted........ALWAYS GLAD TO SEE YA!!!!! and even lick you when you have a dirty face (or other parts...that are quite embarrassing!!!!!) But at the end of the day......you know that Bitch or Stud (or....in the words of "Bob Barker" of the 'Price is Right'~~~~(After he became a noted animal rights advocate in the early 1980's , Barker signed off each broadcast with the public-service message,) "Help control the pet population—have your pets spayed or neutered!" yep.....good ol' Bob!.....Bob will be there too! But the mutt will to.......when you least expect it......because......"they not what they do; because, believe me.....I know it when it's true!" Wolf....Wolf.....Peace Out! Luv!
Disclosure........ Has anyone really thought about disclosing the full meaning of this word to me????? I would really, really like to know. WARNING: (this post is not intended to be a selfish post or meant to be directed to any one person or entity. Read only at your own risk!!!) Of all things in my life, disclosure, I guess, has turned out to be the most important -defining word.......defining item and action that has underlined (and even undermined the whole meaning of things in my life.....don't know about yours or your friends or your family.......but it sure has been for lil' ol' Sally! Yes sir!!! DISCLOSURE!!!!!! Or so I feel that way at this moment.....No blame game here....just another epiphany! Lets get on with my point.....shall we? I guess it starts with childhood.......reality and disclosure from the ones that raise you.......what's factual and what's, shall we say "swept under the rug"......"shhhhhh! Don't talk to loud....the children might here this and it might SHATTER their world!" A little disclosure, personally, is healthy for that child. I'm just say'n.......The Rose Garden isn't what it's cracked up to be when you grow up and there is no one there to say "It's o.k.......nothings you have done is wrong....this will all go away and tomorrow will be a knew day!" Nope.....don't work that way! Then you move into the relationship part of life with DISCLOSURE! (I could go on for hours about this one, but I shant because it's irrelevant!) Everybody knows somebody or surely to Goddette has been married to someone and you wake up one day and say; "who in da hell is that person and why the hell ain't I seen them for their real selves all this time?" A simple little word can help in this part of life TREMENDOUSLY......DISCLOSURE!!! But we are all afraid we will NOT BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO WE TRULY ARE!!! All those little quirks and all those little, hidden evils we have gathered over the years can NOT BE DISPLAYED! I think it goes back to the first of this sick post and Sally's Deep thoughts on Disclosure-when we were being raised there was a certain standard......moral side.......you had to be this way.......don't do this or "you'll get in trouble".......it sticks with you but that nasty, dirty head of reality and who we actually turn in to eventually surfaces and raises it's ugly head to those that you are close to or in a relationship with and the other person, IF THEY REALLY CARE AND LOVE YOU, see it.....they get it.....they want to understand......if they truly accept you for who you are......maybe they just want to be accepted for who they are....... Wouldn't that be a great thing if you could actually be with someone or friends that finally got passed all the baggage and just chilled and loved and let it go..........just accepted everyone and finally just saw it for what it was and went with it? Wouldn't that be grand? Am I dream'n in a non-reality world that just can't happen because Disclosure will always be a "hidden evil" that might surface and the trust is then broken again between EVERYONE because there was no trust to begin with.......? Or maybe, as usual, I've got it all wrong..........who gives a shit about Disclosure (except in litigation....and you need to get FULL DISCLOSURE); take people for who they are and love them. Feel free to love them back......trust them.......and they will trust you back.......no need for disclosure if the love is real; disclosure will come naturally and not forced or taken from you or the other party.......it doesn't have to.......because you want to disclose anything and everything to the person you trust and vice versus. ESPECIALLY if you know that person is accepting YOU and YOU are accepting them for WHO THEY ARE......! Love and Peace Out!
I know that School Board Elections are not a part of the primary election......but let's get real! What IS there to look forward to in this up and coming primary election other than your usual Two Bit County Toothless Wonders running for their worn out 2 year term or your State Rep or Senate Rep that could be the lesser of two evils! So lets get back to the basics of life.......shall we????? Let's get a real candidate that has some guts........grime.......and just flat out ol' savvy! This guy is 'da man!!!!! Actually, in all honesty, I think he should replace Pelosi!!!!!!!!!!!! (I could watch this guy all day long with my java and Bailey's!)
Thanks Fat Bastard for the tip on this guy.......without you, I wouldn't have ever run across 'em!!!!! Love and Peace Out!
Why do we have to always feel the need to have that certain someone........why can't we just be fine by ourselves.......why do we feel so lonely when we are not attached.........do we really need to be attached? I guess it actually depends on the person's heart and if they want the pain to go away and get on with their life.........or forgiving themselves......their own heart........self forgiveness! That someday can begin when I guess you forgive yourself, BabyFace......."You see what I'm say'n???" and "when can I see you again............." Peace and Luv!
Patricia Ann Elsken........Trisha.........Trish Trash.......yep, that's the girl that everyone could hear belch across the gym and know...... know and love......maybe some cringed; very few.....because everyone knew.......knew the true you...........the you that we knew.......the you that we remember........and the you that we will never forget........
you..........you are always with us............even when we forget........and then you let us know........by your suttle way of a song......a sound.......a smell........a word......an echoing belch.
you........are really a beautiful song that never goes away.............
You will always be here each and every day..........not a minute goes by............not one minute.
Everybody has a hopeless dream..............don't they??? Well, Sally is livin' it AND dream'n it!!!! I think I've got my groove back.....yes in-deedy!!!!! It's amazing how strength can be pulled from weakness........slowly but surly you find your way out of that world of induced fog........the dream of what was suppose to be (but really wasn't)..........but then, you open your eyes and actually see........see it! Everybody has their definition of "it".........find "it"..........work "it".........but if "it" gets covered up by control, work, self absorption, or even self pity.........then you can't dream! Everyone HAS to dream!!! Or you DIE!!! The dream of ANYTHING can keep your 'little light shining"-dream of a goal, an inspiration, a love, or even freedom of being who you can be and someone actually accepting you for who you are is enough to keep that "little light glowing"! But if that light keeps being extinguished by loved ones........friends.........peers.............you get in the fog! Sally is coming out of the FOG PEOPLE!!!!! Live and let live.....once again! (You know how many times I've said that to myself and to half of the population of this world??????) I must practice what I preach, sista!!!!!!!! I luv my sistas!!!!! I luv myself!!!!! And I love Jason Mraz for letting me "Sleeping to Dream!!!" Peace Out!!!!!!
