Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts......

The quote in my title is from Robert Fulghum and is taken from a book a friend was telling me about that she was reading. Her therapist thought it would be helpful during her 'healing process' due to what she and every other woman on the face of this earth (and maybe, just maybe......even men; I CAN be unbiased!) and that would be the victim of verbal abuse during a relationship. The title of the book is The Verbally Abusive Relationship-How to recognize it and how to respond...By Patricia Evans. My friend has found this book very benificial and is working hard to regain her inner strength and finding 'herself' again. I can see the change in her and it's like finding that old friend that you had for years that suddenly turned into this person you didn't even know. She left us for awhile........she was distant and made things look pretty on the outside......she made things look pretty for herself........she made things look pretty for her family.......she even made things look pretty in her own mind to the point that she actually believed that this was a life that was o.k. to live. However, we as yaya's....know better when one of our sisters are NOT QUITE what they should be.......However, as she told me, you get to a point where you just can't play the part anymore and you decide that enough is enough......but then she struggled with when and how to get out without getting harmed and, of course.....there were children. It is a very sad story.....but true! And I'm sure we all know someone that is going through this as I write this.....but the defining part of this story is that NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS what goes on behind closed doors unless you are actually there. That 'gentle giant' of a man and the 'fun guy' is all well trained and honed into to his craft and is very deceiving to the naked eye.....but not to her. And eventually.....she see's the light. And there is a light......and it is called STRENGTH! INNER-STRENGTH!!! She has to dig her way out and find it.......if willing.....no matter how old she is.......or she sits there and basically dies inside and dwindles into little, if not nothing......And that-is what he (the abuser) wants to achieve!!!!!

So with that-----I raise my glass of cheap ass wine (it's been a shopping week and that's all I could afford) and I toast the ones that actually go towards the light of STRENGTH!!!

I'm gonna quote from the book and I hope I don't get in trouble for this!!! Please Patricia Evans, i've linked your site twice now.......I'm promoting your book for all that need it!

If you agree with 2 or more of the statements that follow, the book of Patricia Evans will support you in recognizing verbal abuse. If you have not had these experiences, the book will support your empathetic understanding of those who have.

1. 
   
   He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week or more although you hadn't meant to upset him. You are suprised each time. (He says he's not mad when you ask him what he's mad about, or he tells you in some way that it's your fault.)


2. 
   
   When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don't feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don't feel happy and relieved, nor do you have a feeling that you've 'kissed and made up". (He says, "You're just trying to start an agrument?" or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.)


3. 
   
   You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you can't get him to understand your intentions


4. 
   
   You are upset not so much about concrete issues-how much time to spend with each other, where to go on vaction, etc.-as about the communication in the relationship; what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.


5. 
   
   You sometimes wonder, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad!"


6. 
   
   He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you.


7. 
   
   He seems to take the opposite view from you on alomost everthing you mention, and his view is not qualified by "I think" or "I believe" or "I feel"-as if your view were wrong and he was right.


8. 
   
   You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a seperate person.


9. 
   
   You can't recall saying to him, "Cut it out? or, "StopIt!"


10. 
    
    He is either angry or had "no idea of what you're talking about" when you try to discuss an issue with him.

Please visit Ms. Evans site if you are in a situation like this........she has other helpful books that will help you to find you way back to you and truly enjoy life again............Peace Out!